Updated: Apr 20, 2019
“Learn to live from your true Center in Me”
Jesus resides in the deepest depths of my being. It is at this level that His Peace reigns continually. I won’t find lasting peace in a clean home, prepped meals, a consistent workout schedule, sleeping kids, quality time with my husband, a well-behaved toddler, a consistent quiet time. . . I won’t find peace in the world around me, in circumstances, or in human relationships. If Christ’s peace runs deep, then I must be willing to go deep, to go deeper than a one-liner prayer because I can’t easily focus my mind (and won’t discipline myself and work hard to and prioritize talking and listening to God). Because I can’t quickly focus my mind to go deeper than a devotional because of the same scatter-brained mind and difficulty meditating. I often do not want to go deeper. I am often not willing to feel, to feel fear, anxiety, depression, worry, discouragement, whatever those feelings are that seem to separate me from His peace when I try to connect with Him.
I received an image when praying through this -
I saw a landscape cut into, where I could see underground. There was the grass growing on top. Then there is the dirt underneath purposefully placed there to plant in, the soil with all the roots and earthworms and things tangled up together. Then under that was earth, the real earth, the dirt/rock that has always been there. I saw the grass as the rush, things seen, things of the world all around me. I saw the dirt with everything tangled up together as my worry, anxiety, doubt, fear or depression. Then, underneath it all, the original, real earth, I see as peace - as things unseen, not of the “grassy” world.
Satan wants us to focus on what is seen. He’d have us rushing around, paying attention to what isn’t important, to the grass that withers and fades away, to all the things around us.
“For, ‘All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls off…’” -1 Peter 1:24
Right under us is soil, dirt, roots, a tangle of dirty mess that we can’t see (unless we start digging) but is definitely there and affects us (in fact, we’re rooted in it) whether we acknowledge it or not. This is often what I find when we try to find Jesus’ peace. I try to have a quiet time and to slow down, and I find anxiety. I try to listen and I find worry that I won’t hear Him, that I will have distracting thoughts, etc. I try to take time alone with Him apart from others and tasks and I can find depression. These are real things that won’t simply go away. They are there. I have to dig through them, confront them, feel them, acknowledge them. I see that my focus on the grass is why they are there. But if I keep digging through the soil and roots, I’ll soon find the earth, the real earth, the earth that’s been there from the beginning of time. There’s just a layer of roots and tangles in between me and the real earth. In the Earth that’s been there all along, in the Foundation, I will recognize an everlasting peace, an eternal foundation, something consistent - not something constantly dying, or being dug up and dug into, not something constantly replaced or added to or changed - I’ll find something constant and long term and pure.
But I have to dig through the dirt and roots and tangles to get there, which means I have to acknowledge it. I have to pick it up and move it. Just like a worker who is digging a deep hole, as I go deeper I have to hand it off to someone higher than me who won’t dump it back on top of me.
Getting to these moments is where I often give up. I think feeling anxious or distracted is failing. But it’s not; it’s good to let myself feel these things because they are there whether I acknowledge them or not. I need to process them, keep moving forward, and know it is part of the process. My “failure” lies in me giving up because of the feelings, not in having the feelings. Life catches up with me when I rush through it. If I am rushing through it, then I need to let it catch up, as hard as that can be, and work through the angst. Then move on towards Christ.
As moms, we can get so tired. We can be overwhelmed by life, by all the tasks of caring for babies and young children. We can get used to just going, going, going. But we must stop. We must acknowledge the unsettling feelings we have. Keep digging to the things unseen, to the things unfelt. Have faith and hope for that peace that runs deep.
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4v17-18
“Seek peace and pursue it” Psalm 34v14
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14v27
“The eternal world is always in flux - under the curse of death and decay. But there is a gold mine of Peace deep within you, waiting to be tapped. Take time to delve into the riches of My residing Presence. I want you to live increasingly from your real Center, where my Love has an eternal grip on you.” -Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
This reminds me of a beautiful song Sarah introduced me to by Kari Jobe - The Garden Listen to this and you will be so encouraged by God's love! And always remember that when we draw near to God, He draws near to us. We are not on our own through these confusing and difficult feelings. He. Is. With. Us.
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