If I’m Being Honest
Being a mom, especially a stay at home mom, was something that I always wanted to be for as long as I can remember. So, it really surprised me how stressed I got when my husband and I decided that I would get to stay home with Everly. Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to spend every day with my little girl. I love being there to watch her grow, and I love that I’ll get to be there for her firsts.
But, some days are hard. Some days I feel like I’ve lost who I am. I sometimes feel a little jealous when I see my husband go off to work knowing he’ll get a break from all day fussiness. There are days that I’d like to go back to work. But when I start having these thoughts, I feel guilty. I feel like a bad mom for sometimes not wanting to stay home with Everly. Especially since I know many moms would love to get to stay home with their kids but are unable to. I sometimes feel like I’m not productive because I didn’t put in a full days work at a paying job (and yes, being a stay at home mom is definitely job!)
Like I said earlier, I sometimes feel like I lost who I was. I would feel like it wasn’t myself. My problem was that I was putting my identity in me, not God. I was depending on myself to feel complete. I know I was meant to be a mom. Growing up, when someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never knew. I knew I wanted to be a mom, but that doesn’t make money or pay the bills. But I know that being a mom is what God wants me to do. He has blessed my family and me enough that I get to stay home with my baby girl. I get to see her grow up. I’ll get to see her do all her firsts. If God wanted me somewhere else, I’d be somewhere else, and until He tells me otherwise, I’ll be here soaking up my time with my sweet little one.